Back to Life...Back to (Sur)reality

I’m back in Baghdad. I’m back in Baghdad. I’m back in Baghdad. Even as I write it, it is hard to believe. It is strange to have an airplane touch down on a landscape like this and have it feel familiar: the armored vehicles, the blast walls lining the streets, the sound of helicopters, and the feel of the dust in the air. It is like returning to Kansas after being in Oz. It just feels odd.

You see, Istanbul felt like Oz. I arrived there last Thursday and saw an explosion of color. In Baghdad I had forgotten it was spring, but in Istanbul it was everywhere obvious. I saw the blue of the seashore, the yellow tulips, and the green hillsides. The air felt crisp and cool as Marie, Scott, and I boarded the taxi to head to our hotel. The word “freedom” kept creeping up on me as an adjective for the air.

But that’s ridiculous.

So I was in Turkey and our next session with trainees was a week and a half away, and I was ready for the respite away from the confines of the green zone. That was clear. However, what was not clear (at least not to my wife) was that I wasn’t going to spend my R&R in Turkey. I was flying home to Arizona! Maybe that is why I kept smiling as tulips danced past my window on my ride in the taxi. She really had no idea.

I had been mildly confident she hadn't caught on to this fact for some time, and became even more confident just the day before when I learned she was trying to arrange to meet me in Istanbul. She had found a 24-hour passport place and was looking into airplane tickets. I, on the other hand, was staying in Istanbul for only a few hours before boarding Delta Flight 702 to New York City, to board yet another flight two hours later to Phoenix.

Thus realizing that my wife was planning on meeting me in a city thousands of miles away caused me, as you can imagine, some anxiety. This anxiety led me to seek the support of Dixie’s family (MY family) in the form of the following email:

Family! I just found out for sure that I can and will be coming home on April 29th (late this FRIDAY!!!!) for a few days. However, Dixie knows nothing about this and I'd like to keep her in the dark about this because 1. I'm evil (who would have guessed? Really: who?) 2. It's way more fun (this means that I am telling gobs of lies to her about a trip to Turkey that I am taking with the other teachers).

However, now Dixie has been talking about going to Turkey to visit me there. This would be, well, very bad, since I'll be IN ARIZONA. Agh. This is why lies are no good. So I need family intervention. I was hoping I could count on family like you (meaning that believe you are supportive, not devious, but whatever).

I was hoping for a few things. 1. Someone to pick me up from the airport. (Please?) 2. Someone to tell Dixie that flying to Turkey is impractical (I can't watch your kids, one-day passport services are unreliable, flights to Turkey all plunge into the depths of the ocean--you get the gist) 3. A team to help watch the kids on Saturday (or at least Saturday night) so I can take Dixie out on the town. Please let me know who is in and what you'd like to contribute. You can also come up with your own assignments and let me know what you'd like to contribute. I'll be in Arizona for four full days (Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday), so anyone who'd like to help out in any way can feel free. Thanks SO much. Shane

Within hours I had received a flood of emails from willing participants (Shumways are natural and professional performers, so I was in good hands). While I flew to Arizona, I knew that plans were being made and lies told. What can I say about such malevolent behavior but that my family is awesome? For those family members, I’m (right now) giving you a standing ovation here in Baghdad, right in front of a small desk in a small room in a small compound in this small part of the world that I am growing to love. Bravo.

So here is the Cliff Notes version of the performance after I arrived in Phoenix:
Act 1: Adam and Dana picked me up from the airport. Porter and Lana offered their home as the place we would surprise Dixie. Jere and Allison came over to join in the celebration. Porter called her and asked her to come over. She was already asleep (it was almost 11 at night), but the tone in Porter's voice made her think something was seriously wrong (probably not the NICEST thing to do to someone whose husband is in Iraq, but effective nonetheless).
Act 2: She came in to the front room where we were all seated, although I was positioned away from the door so that she could only see me if she walked in and turned around…which is precisely what happened. She walked in, said, “what?” and then saw a mishmash of expressions (some acted concerned, some looked excited). She sat down in a chair exactly opposite me and looked at each person’s face until she reached mine. It looked almost staged it was so perfect.

And then she caught my eyes.

As she explains it, she saw me, recognized that the dude sitting in the couch looked a lot like the guy she calls her husband, but for the life of her, she couldn’t get her brain to accept the fact that it WAS me. I was in Turkey. It is on the other side of the world. Don’t you know?

Finally, as she realized that it was indeed me and not some strange doppleganger Shane, she broke out into smiles, then a shout for joy, and then we hugged.

It was then that I knew that there is no place like home.
Love you, Dixie. Happy Birthday and Happy Mother’s Day.

*And to those grammar teachers who are quick to point out that “freedom” is a noun rather than an adjective, let me kindly remind you that nouns, indeed, often serve as adjectives (apple juice, freedom fighters). Just sayin’.