"It is never if or should we help others, but how..."
I hate certain facts about life. Here is one: pouring yourself into a thesis that only two people have ever checked out at the university library (p.s. one of those two people is you). Giving your all to teach students about pronunciation, to discover that their pronunciation DOES improve, but only in classroom settings. (Yes, there is a bit of research that suggests that we get false improvement scores precisely because students don't translate their classroom knowledge into real life--it is like students have TWO brains and the one doesn't communicate with the other).
But here is the worst of the worst: I call it digging holes. This is a reference from Louis Sachar's brilliant book about a boy who is assigned to dig holes, just to fill them up again or dig another. It is absolutely pointless work. And I HATE pointless work.
Let me give you my best example. I was asked to create a manual that would supplement a textbook used in Iraq. So far so good. This is a massive project wherein I am only a cog in the wheel. As part of this project, I was also invited to create videos to help spotlight creative ways to teach in the classroom. Again, no problem. However, what I had noticed from my previous trip to Iraq is that the more we gave to the participants, the more they believed that they needed more, and more from us. The U.S. Embassy in Iraq, for example, created large resource centers with hundreds of book titles and CD's, all state of the art stuff. One of the Iraqi teachers, who actually works at a resource center, remarked on the tremendous expense like this, "Why? Dust. The books just have dust. If I wipe my hand on the books, you see the dust. No one uses it. Why? No one knows." I can still remember the wave of his hand and the look of disgust on his face every time he said why. It was a stunning indictment.
And so I was given an assignment to contribute to these heaps of books that get used, well, not at all. This, of course, worried me. Like I said, I HATE doing work that doesn't matter. It goes against everything inside of me. So I asked around to see if I could work with the Iraqi teachers on developing the activities together. My reasoning was simple. The resource centers aren't used precisely because there is no investment. What I mean is that these teachers are being given ideas and instruments that are not their own, and told to use them. My idea was to learn exactly what the teachers do and what they need from their own viewpoint, and that this would guide my ability to write a productive manual. My idea also came from the idea that people who invest in something rather than have something given to them, will end up caring about that something. I know, I know, I'm sounding awfully parental/Republican/jerk-faced, but I still believe it with all my guts. I want them to be successful, and introducing info that they will thank me for with that condescending smile, and then simply never use, is not enough.
So, of course, I asked if I could collect information from others in Iraq. Discussions were had on the likelihood of teachers responding and how difficult it might be. The organization that hired me also mentioned time constraints and other issues at play. All fair points, truly, but my fear continued. Eventually, so did my solo work. Here, I want to be clear that I am not blaming anyone for this problem except me. I should have pushed harder. I should have made it clear. I should have written more emails to Iraqi teachers and demanded their help. But those dumb deadlines got nearer and nearer...
So I created activities based on what I thought they needed and how I thought they should teach. I worked in a vacuum and worried. Over the course of a few months, I completed over 200 pages of materials and about 50 minutes of video. It was some of the hardest work I've ever done. I really enjoyed it in a sort of twisted, sadistic way, and I'm proud of it.
But you may have noticed that that' s not really the point, is it?
And so now I am left wondering, hoping, that the books are received well. The shipment should arrive in Iraq soon, and placed inside every resource center. The books will then be put on display. And they will wait for someone to notice them.
Meanwhile, there are new holes being dug all over the world, but as for me, I have made a promise to myself. Not by me.
Dug any holes lately?
